Kdega's May 12th

aw crot...i understand...mondays do suck. and it sucks for the day b/c it always gets a bad rap. hahaha you're too much girl, love you. i hope britty's being able to visit was good and cheered you up!! i'd be pissed if i'd had that procedure too, i wanted to kill the pakistani bitch who did my first Obgyn exam so much that i haven't been back to one since!! i've got to make an appointment though...the army has strict regs on everything and basically i can't graduate if i dont have my full med exams on record, which of course for me is the woman's exam. the last thing i wanna do is an army doc look at me. we'll see. i looooove you crot!! cheer up lovey

ok so i thought i'd share with you what may 12th has come to mean to me and will always be for me. today was my gma's bday. i think she would have been 87. i woke up and sang happy birthday for her this morning before i went to PT. and i texted my dad the same b/c i know that today and the day she died (june 11th), is very hard for him and my mom. the weirdest part of this though is that the night before (sat-sun) i had what began as a bad dream about chris and i having trouble making this long distance work--and i was sitting in a chair in the lobby of a hotel crying uncontrollably and nona appeared out of nowhere and was just sitting across from me. she asked me what was wrong and then it somehow turned into my missing her, and she got up from her chair and came and knelt next to me. we were there, face to face, and with her hand on my shoulder she said that she was always with me and there was no need to worry, everything works out how it should in the end and no matter what, i will be happy. i woke up at that point, convinced it was real and had actually happened. it'd been a while since i've had a dream with her in it, but i have before. reassured me what i believe that she is always with me, watching over. you know how superstitious my family is, having that dream the day before her birthday was just crazy to me!

secondly, today a year ago i was commissioned as a US Army officer. i stood across from my father with my right hand raised as he gave me the oath of office and i repeated it back to him. and then we stepped down from the alter at my school chapel and my mom came up and helped my dad pin on my 2LT gold bars onto my uniform. all of my family and friends from school were there. funny it ties into the above story b/c we were all emotional b/c the day was so momentous, but in the back of our minds we knew it was nona's bday and they knew how proud she wouldve been of me. and that night we went to dinner and as we waited to order, my family began to give me my gifts of cards and money. but then my uncle timmy and aunt mary (the one's you met at my gma's memorial service britt...my dad's bro) handed me this small box and a card. so i read the card and it made me teary eyed, but i continued and i opened the box and removed the tissue paper and laying in it was my gma's Tiffany's Atlas watch with an italian gold band my gpa had brought over for her to put on it. and seeing it, knowing it was one of her most prized possessions that she had given to my aunt when we made her move up to CT to live with them...i burst into tears, just straight sobbing. and my aunt and uncle do too, followed by my dad, then my cousins and my mom's bro and my other aunt. we're all crying, overcome with memories and emotions of the day and the meaning of that gift...but my gparents, my bro and karen, and my mom are at the other end of the table and have no idea what's going on b/c its a huge table and so my mom cheerfully says 'oooh what did tim and mary give you.' and so i hand the closed box to my mom and she's smiling while she opens it and then BAM its like a wall hit her the second she realized what it was and she goes from smile to uncontrollable sobs. and my gpas see what it is along with my bro and they all start crying too! (of course pat had to explain in mid cry to karen what the gift was and what it meant to us) so by now the entire table is crying, all 15 of us, and the waitress walks up and takes one look at us and is like 'i'll comeback laaaaater.' and runs away. hahaha that was probably the best memory i have from that weekend of commissioning and graduation. it still amazes me how my big weekend celebrations and her memory pulled us all together and pushed us into this flood of emotions. it was a huge family bonding moment and something i'll always remember. and it was a year ago today.

for these reasons i'm certain britt that your interviews were excellent experiences and that something will come of them. may 12th is a good day...rid with emotions...but still good.

to add to this, saturday i got my package from you lala. my goodie box with amazing enviro mags and your gift from venice to me britty (THANKSSSS SO CUTE!!!) and of course, THE BOOK! i spent my free time the rest of the weekend reading what you all had written. i haven't finished reading and catching up, but i love it. i just died with excitement to have it in my hands. AHHHHHHHHH SO EXCITING!!!! i just dont know what to write in here and what to write in there. i think i'll print this out and paste it in there too! hahaha

love you girls, i must go now, i have to get to bed. i dont sleep well here. all my love to you all, and best wishes. you guys are my other nuclear family and i miss you deeply!